CRUSH-ED ?

crush
krʌʃ

a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable.
“She did have a crush on Dr Russell”
Person you like and/or attracted to
Synonyms: infatuation, obsession, love, passion, passing fancy

They call it a crush because it crushes your soul and everything you stand for. Well so it has been for the last 20 years or so of my life from the ever charming Jest in ‘Heartless’, Aman in ‘Kal Ho Na Ho’, Troy Bolton in ‘High School Musical’, Nathan Scott in ‘One Tree Hill’ to Shiv in ‘Mahi Way’. The unattainability was understandable.

Considering for starters that they are fictional in nature. Thus my mind and heart was prepared for it. Little did I know the unattainability factor doesn’t exist only in fiction but, in reality as well. Where in shows, movies and books the protagonist’s dorky, naïve or prudish appearance in the most unrealistic way will always end up being noticed either by the bad boy down the hallway, or the jock who will irritate her for homework in exchange for making her popular. Your best friend from childhood whom you may have had a crush on for bazillion years and like the Taylor Swift song goes, hasn’t noticed that you belong with him. And will finally “see you”. Hallelujah. For all these stories end with your crush magically not only noticing you but, loving all your awkward mannerisms, surprisingly falling for all the things you hate about yourself.

There are various kind of crushes throughout the course of your life. The guy you would never expect yourself to be into but, you are in a big way. For example he is stocky whereas you usually go for lanky He’s a sk8tr boi, while you’re into ballet. The guy you would see everywhere around your campus – from the plays he has acted in, to the juice counter waiting for his everyday nimbu pani or just hanging around the corridors with his boys. To the guy you’ve never even met but, your friend retweets him and he’s so cute and always so witty, and now you Google-stalk him weekly and dream of ways to scheme a run-in with him. Proximity and monotonous work presentations could lead to crush for a guy you may not normally be into but, sitting next to each other’s cubicles around 5 days a week-9 hours a day leads to the development of smidge of feelings.

Crushing on someone can be equal parts of exciting and well, awkward. Particularly when you’re in too deep, can’t stop thinking about them for the life of you, and/or the subject of your desire feels like forbidden territory—i.e. he/she is a coworker or you’re already in a committed relationship and “shouldn’t” have a crush in the first place.
You will constantly be in flux of emotions.
Beaming -You can’t help but grin widely overtime you have a conversation with them.
But, the rollercoaster is real for they may be great these crushes could even turn you into a frazzled stress ball
You will discover the creativity of your friends through the code names assigned- Har Ghadi, Paa, Loser, parot, etc
The impending fear of double tapping a Facebook comment of the nascent debating champ of DPS to heart on a picture taken of the time your crush went through puberty (thank god puberty hit him!). But, the stalking shall not end. ‘Bae-Watch is necessary.’
The photographic memory for having a mental documentation of everything they have said – with date and time stamp refreshed in your minds. (Professor its being annoying about late submissions, Local has good music for Bollywood nights, Event Management seems somewhere I see myself, Maybe LSE for quantitative economics)
Every interaction will be analyzed and deconstructed to the tiniest bit (He nodded while we passed through the corridors – But why didn’t he say hi? How was his expression when he said hi? Did he not say hi because he didn’t want to talk or has he figured it out? OH MY GOD and so on and so forth)
An elaborate plan is constructed by you on how you may tell him about your feelings – you may or may not act up on it but, well a plan always comes handy for you never know when you may need it.
The planning though doesn’t stop there – you probably have planned your dream life – dating through college then you’ll support each other’s career dreams, get married, have two adorable babies and a golden retriever, and live happily ever after. It’s all going to happen.

There are various types of crushes and various emotions that you go through while you have a crush. Though it may not end up how it did in Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong With Me’ – you may never have the guts to tell them about your feelings or you may end up taking that one tonic and end up spilling your guts in the loudest possible way about how much you want to carry their babies to discover that he’s never thought of you that way, doesn’t want to end what y’all have, is committed and happy, how you are not his type or the fact he wasn’t aware of your existence till today.
So as I said, crushes can be exciting, awkward, painful and giddy. But, they are flattering too for they give you that escape from monotony of your routine and bring in these exciting nerves within you – sometimes crushes may reveal apart of ourselves that we haven’t courted in a really long time. For the person who captivates your imagination and perhaps even sets your body on fire may be pointing to parts of yourself you wish you were more in love with/in touch with and these object of affections bring about the emotional awakening of our own longings and maybe repressed memories. Adding excitement, possibility and passion to our everyday life. The world can seem more alive—music, nature, sex, and food all become more sensually stimulating when we are awash in the emotional high of a crush. There is no moral wrongdoing in harboring a crush and it can be a liberating experience. For many times we may try out things we otherwise wouldn’t have. You may find that your crush is helping you live out all the valuable aspects of yourself and sometimes these emotional, sensual awakenings may end up dramatically transforming and improving your relationship with yourself.
That’s all for today folks.
My crush is online.
Until the next time !