CRUSH-ED ?

crush
krʌʃ

a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable.
“She did have a crush on Dr Russell”
Person you like and/or attracted to
Synonyms: infatuation, obsession, love, passion, passing fancy

They call it a crush because it crushes your soul and everything you stand for. Well so it has been for the last 20 years or so of my life from the ever charming Jest in ‘Heartless’, Aman in ‘Kal Ho Na Ho’, Troy Bolton in ‘High School Musical’, Nathan Scott in ‘One Tree Hill’ to Shiv in ‘Mahi Way’. The unattainability was understandable.

Considering for starters that they are fictional in nature. Thus my mind and heart was prepared for it. Little did I know the unattainability factor doesn’t exist only in fiction but, in reality as well. Where in shows, movies and books the protagonist’s dorky, naïve or prudish appearance in the most unrealistic way will always end up being noticed either by the bad boy down the hallway, or the jock who will irritate her for homework in exchange for making her popular. Your best friend from childhood whom you may have had a crush on for bazillion years and like the Taylor Swift song goes, hasn’t noticed that you belong with him. And will finally “see you”. Hallelujah. For all these stories end with your crush magically not only noticing you but, loving all your awkward mannerisms, surprisingly falling for all the things you hate about yourself.

There are various kind of crushes throughout the course of your life. The guy you would never expect yourself to be into but, you are in a big way. For example he is stocky whereas you usually go for lanky He’s a sk8tr boi, while you’re into ballet. The guy you would see everywhere around your campus – from the plays he has acted in, to the juice counter waiting for his everyday nimbu pani or just hanging around the corridors with his boys. To the guy you’ve never even met but, your friend retweets him and he’s so cute and always so witty, and now you Google-stalk him weekly and dream of ways to scheme a run-in with him. Proximity and monotonous work presentations could lead to crush for a guy you may not normally be into but, sitting next to each other’s cubicles around 5 days a week-9 hours a day leads to the development of smidge of feelings.

Crushing on someone can be equal parts of exciting and well, awkward. Particularly when you’re in too deep, can’t stop thinking about them for the life of you, and/or the subject of your desire feels like forbidden territory—i.e. he/she is a coworker or you’re already in a committed relationship and “shouldn’t” have a crush in the first place.
You will constantly be in flux of emotions.
Beaming -You can’t help but grin widely overtime you have a conversation with them.
But, the rollercoaster is real for they may be great these crushes could even turn you into a frazzled stress ball
You will discover the creativity of your friends through the code names assigned- Har Ghadi, Paa, Loser, parot, etc
The impending fear of double tapping a Facebook comment of the nascent debating champ of DPS to heart on a picture taken of the time your crush went through puberty (thank god puberty hit him!). But, the stalking shall not end. ‘Bae-Watch is necessary.’
The photographic memory for having a mental documentation of everything they have said – with date and time stamp refreshed in your minds. (Professor its being annoying about late submissions, Local has good music for Bollywood nights, Event Management seems somewhere I see myself, Maybe LSE for quantitative economics)
Every interaction will be analyzed and deconstructed to the tiniest bit (He nodded while we passed through the corridors – But why didn’t he say hi? How was his expression when he said hi? Did he not say hi because he didn’t want to talk or has he figured it out? OH MY GOD and so on and so forth)
An elaborate plan is constructed by you on how you may tell him about your feelings – you may or may not act up on it but, well a plan always comes handy for you never know when you may need it.
The planning though doesn’t stop there – you probably have planned your dream life – dating through college then you’ll support each other’s career dreams, get married, have two adorable babies and a golden retriever, and live happily ever after. It’s all going to happen.

There are various types of crushes and various emotions that you go through while you have a crush. Though it may not end up how it did in Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong With Me’ – you may never have the guts to tell them about your feelings or you may end up taking that one tonic and end up spilling your guts in the loudest possible way about how much you want to carry their babies to discover that he’s never thought of you that way, doesn’t want to end what y’all have, is committed and happy, how you are not his type or the fact he wasn’t aware of your existence till today.
So as I said, crushes can be exciting, awkward, painful and giddy. But, they are flattering too for they give you that escape from monotony of your routine and bring in these exciting nerves within you – sometimes crushes may reveal apart of ourselves that we haven’t courted in a really long time. For the person who captivates your imagination and perhaps even sets your body on fire may be pointing to parts of yourself you wish you were more in love with/in touch with and these object of affections bring about the emotional awakening of our own longings and maybe repressed memories. Adding excitement, possibility and passion to our everyday life. The world can seem more alive—music, nature, sex, and food all become more sensually stimulating when we are awash in the emotional high of a crush. There is no moral wrongdoing in harboring a crush and it can be a liberating experience. For many times we may try out things we otherwise wouldn’t have. You may find that your crush is helping you live out all the valuable aspects of yourself and sometimes these emotional, sensual awakenings may end up dramatically transforming and improving your relationship with yourself.
That’s all for today folks.
My crush is online.
Until the next time !

Moody Mondays ?

Every Monday morning I wake up to the dread that here another week brings the beginning of the onset of the same routine that awaits me. “Wake up”, “get dressed” maybe if lucky get a quick breakfast and the much needed caffeine intake that keep me awake, if not for the day then at least for the morning 8 am lecture where my droopy eyes don’t give away how I am not consciously reflecting upon the microscopic choices of the individuals affecting the geopolitical dynamics. Rather, i wish to snuggle up into the comforter that awaits in my bed. Getting in the train- where I see college students, office rushing ladies,hanging men chanting songs,mantras maybe energising themselves to the day ahead. In the train there’s constant motion from people hanging on to even the tiniest space at the edge of the seat meant for 26 but occupied by 30.Some are catching up on sleep while others trying to reserve a seating arrangement for the next station – a negotiation worth noting down. Others may be streaming upon the series- probably to not be out of the innuendos or pop cultural references colleagues or friends make. While music is blaring in my ears as yet another way to keep me up, scrolling through numerous feeds switching between Instagram, Facebook, Snaps sent showing the wild weekend friends, families,acquaintances or better celebrities have had-parties, spontaneous treks, screening of award shows,Netflex-ing with the significant other, Wine tasting at sula, twinning and winning, the numerous bags through shopping at discounted prices in the stores you wouldn’t set a foot in otherwise or the ever famous zindagi na milegi dobara-esque trip with the gang. To not take away from the ever favourite adjective assigned to the begging of the week, the Monday blues there would be in flow of pictures, texts, bitmojis of how blue monday truly is or to get away from the monday blue, a throwback to the time in backwaters where the monday wasn’t as blue.To all those who are constant receivers of my snap or followers of my instagram I am guilty of all the above, maybe in a way reiterating my life more often than not how maybe my monday is more blue than the rest. Just the way an earnest consumer of the digital world is expected to be. Thriving on their income by the constant reiteration of how my life is not how it should be and the mindless scrolling chips in to put forth more pictures, check-ins and to do lists out of the sheer conviction to have comments that show others being envious or in awe of you.

So here I am tired of this phrase of a blue monday of how mundane routines are or of the constant voice within my head that tells me how mundane my monday or life is. Yes waking up early for an 8 am lecture isn’t the easiest thing when you have to take a 6:45 am train ( shouldn’t complain as I have classmates who have trains way earlier) and caffeine may always not wake me up considering just how chilly the morning is and how warm my comforter feels and, yes, the day ahead may have me cowering away from possibly the results of a halfassed assignments I wrote thanks to my special talent called procrastination or the possibility of coming across classmates whos